You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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