maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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