i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
