i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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