Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
