I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
