shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
