Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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