YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
