There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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