help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
