I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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