It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
