I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
