she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
