If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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