If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm gonna fight the coyote
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
