just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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