@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
