I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
