sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
