I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Enjoy the penises
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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