Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
