were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She told me I should be a condom model.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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