When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
