The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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