he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
