The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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