Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
