The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
