so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
