dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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