so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
