p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
