i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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