Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
