i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
