i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
