oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
