Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
