As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
