You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
