Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
my poor anus
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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