he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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