she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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