the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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