so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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