DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize