you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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