This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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