don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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