the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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