I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
