dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he thought i was a dude.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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