we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
