Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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