she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
