At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
