Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and she was petting her beer can
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
