Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
