youre lurking in front of me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
