I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
