Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
