worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize