dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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