DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
