They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
