I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
