New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize