Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just invented taco cereal.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
