you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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