All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
